I need:

substance, motivation, and a plan.

Alas, I am almost completely content living my days how I have been for some time. Low stress, free time, and building of relationships are all things that my days consist of. Although, at the end of the day, I wish that I had accomplished more for myself and my future.

My parents wanted me to go to school this current semester but I didn’t sign up. Honestly, I don’t think I was ready. I’m not sure that’s what I want to start right now, if at all. Is getting an AA Degree at a community college something that’s worth it? Now, I’m going to start looking into Rollins more. I feel like that’s where I need to begin, if I can make it happen.

Money sucks. I want to just book shows and be a freelance artist, but it’s tough knowing where to begin. I’m learning how to successfully put a show together but selling art isn’t easy. I only get art gigs from an agent every few months. I’d love to put re-worked vintage pieces up online and handmade accessories, etc., but again, tough knowing where to begin. I suck at sewing! Help!

Organization is one of my top struggles. If only I could start from stratch and teach myself how to live life knowing where things are. I would misplace my head if I could.

The good thing is - I have ideas. I know what needs to be done. Acting them out is where I get stuck.

I want to make tomorrow count. And I will.

(I feel like I need to portray that sorta attitude to convince myself that I’ll do it. Maybe it’s working…)

Weekend.

Friday - played the mommy car pool roll. saw ponyo in theaters… beautiful, artistic, and an absurdly creative plot.

Saturday - Prime Outletting time with mom to look for a dress to wear to Shelby’s wedding/work clothes… unsuccessful but still fun. Then, went downtown with Casey for the Gasoline Heart CD release. Got pulled up to the side of the stage, which was fine ‘cause I couldn’t see anything. Except I don’t know GH’s songs at all, so standing side stage felt awkward. Eh, good times though.

Sunday - Slept in. Glorious in and of itself. Except for the part where I forgot that Shelby’s Wedding Crafts Day started an hour before I woke up. So I helped out with that, late. Went to Summit with my mom and dad. Hilarious/fantastic older guest preacher Bob Tuddle spoke. This man is a theological genious, who’s been doing what he’s doing for over 50 years. Man did he have some stories and crazy awesome insight to the bible. It was unbelievably refreshing, oddly enough. After that, stopped by Status to catch the end of the service and meet up with friends. Actually enjoyed the worship music there for the first time in a while.

Then I headed off to Will’s Pub to catch Dignan’s set. I knew the night would be one long hang out session, but I had no idea it would turn into what it did. I pulled up with Sean, and immediately see Brian outside with a couple of the Dignan fellows and lady. Hellos are said, run inside, get cash from ATM (with 3.00 surcharge. REALLY?), pay, figure out that the door girl is a huge contributor to the local music scene, network a bit, then we shuffle into the bar to wait for Dignan to begin.

At this point it’s around midnight…midnight thirty. Sound issues, blah blah and finally they play. I missed them last time they came to town when we all hung out, so tonight I was excited to hear them. Horrible sound set aside - I really liked watching them. Heidi plays an oldddd beat up wooden case keyboard, Andy on guitar, David on accordion/xylophone, Devin on bass, and Trey on drums. … slight arcade fire/broken social scene/anathallo vibe but more of a mellow/jazzy vibe with less people. Awesome.

After their set, a few of us sit and talk outside while they load up the trailer. I talk with Andy and Jared about Band Marino’s break up and I felt this nostalgic saddness all of a sudden.(leave me alone, i can’t help it) Conversation moved on, the guys packed up, and we headed over to Jared’s where Dignan and O’Brother would stay.

From there we go grab some food at this 24 hour burrito joint that I will remain nameless, seeing that I would rather keep it a secret because I can’t have AAALLL the people reading this go steal my new favorite place….psh.

Burritos demolished, we shuffle back into the van and start back to Jared’s place. The guys bring up their old tour-mates, Colour Revolt and I tell them I’ve never liked them. My homework is to listen to their album again and tell them if I still haven’t changed my mind. I don’t think I will… haha.

At this point it’s 4:30am and I’m in this weird foggy but totally content kinda mood. Once I figured out what side of town I was at, I found my way home.

Can’t sleep and it’s now late morning. I think I know why. Too many things running through my head. I’ll try to find some sleepy music to put me to bed.

Good morning!

it’s killing me knowing that i can have something, and it’s so close to me, yet still unreachable.

can we break down this barrier now, please?